


by the stars (not by the moon)

by icarusinflight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Sirius is a goofball, Some adult language, james is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-19 18:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11903853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusinflight/pseuds/icarusinflight
Summary: The first time it happens is an accident.Sirius slings an arm around Remus, and drops a messy kiss against the side of Remus' mouth.It becomes a thing they do.it doesn't change anything.Except it does.





	by the stars (not by the moon)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the howartshousesnet Mini Bang for the prompt **Fake Dating AU**
> 
> My partner is the ever so talented http://theleakycauldron.co.vu/ you can find their amazing art [here](http://theleakycauldron.co.vu/post/164903696057/by-the-stars-not-by-the-moon-by)
> 
> Thanks to everyone involved for their hard work and effort put in.
> 
> I had an absolute blast writing this. I've never written WolfStar before they are **so much fun!**

The first time it happens is an accident.

“Reject Remus, Reject Remus,” someone calls out in a sing song voice, just as Peter, James, Sirius and Remus walk out to the lake.

Remus himself is unperturbed, and would be happy to just ignore whoever it is. But he really should know by now that Sirius will never let it go.

“You watch your fucking mouth!” Sirius turns around to yell, one arm cupping his mouth to amplify his voice, the other extended with only his middle finger up, pointed in the direction of the crowd.

“Ooooh,” one of the slytherin girls Remus knows by face and voice but not by name, calls out, “you defending your boyfriend, Black?”

The rest of the Marauders continue walking, but Sirius is walking backwards now, refusing to give up on his position as #1 Remus defender. “So what if I am? At least I have one!”

And with that, Sirius, never one to do things halfway, turns back around, slings an arm over Remus’s shoulder, and leans his head down to kiss the side of Remus’s lips.

It’s not that romantic — Sirius doesn’t make any attempt to actually kiss his lips — but apparently the gesture is enough because there’s whooping from the crowd.

Sirius extends his finger once more, his shoulder twisted back to point it in the crowds direction and when he yells his mouth is still right next to Remus’ shoulder, eliciting a wince from him.

“You better watch yours Jemima, you better watch yours.”

 

* * *

 

From then on it becomes a thing that they do.

It doesn’t change their behaviour much; Sirius is, at his core, a tactile person, almost always in contact with the rest of the Marauders. Remus hypothesises that it’s due in part to his Padfoot personality. Although it’s probably the reverse that’s true. His tendency to greet them all with an arm over the shoulder, or treat them as if they were his personal lounge is probably a factor in his animagus form. Padfoot is easily as affectionate, similarly jumping on and assaulting with affection.

Sirius has always been tactile, his friendship expressed in all the casual touches he imparts on his fellow Marauders. The only difference is that it’s almost always Remus now.

And the kissing.

 

* * *

 

The kisses were different.

Remus and Peter were studying in the library, working on the potions assignment, they worked well together, discussing and checking each other's points, whereas Sirius and James were last minute motivators, often found finishing (and sometimes starting) their homework assignments in the common room the night before it was due.

Remus had just gotten to his point about appropriate uses of chopping versus crushing when a set of arms looped their way over Remus’ shoulders, a pointy chin resting on his head.

“Whatcha got there my little whiskey flavoured crumpet?”

Another thing that Sirius had taken to doing since this ‘thing’ had started was affectionate name calling. Or his version of it.

Name calling yes, affectionate... _._ less so.

It was possible that Sirius was aiming to find the most obnoxious names possible. Possibly he was succeeding. Remus was determined not to let him know that he was succeeding.

“I’m doing the Potions assignment. The one you should probably be working on. Have you even started it?” He says, attempting to swat away Sirius, who ducks away, before resettling his arms and chin immediately.

“Awww nifflesnooks, don’t be like that. I’ll start it later.”

“Later as in the night before it’s due?” Not that it would matter. Half the time Sirius just handed in bullet point assignments, and even if he wasn’t the most verbose, he managed to hit the required points. Sirius would lose marks for the length, but so far, had managed to still pass every time.

“Are you worried about me snugglewart?”

“Always,” Remus shot back immediately. “You’re very worrying. I don’t even know what goes through your brain sometimes.”

James got in before Sirius could answer. “Neither does he,” he says, a grin on his face.

Sirius’s arms are suddenly gone from his shoulders, and Remus turns to look at Sirius in their absence.

Sirius is standing with a hand dramatically on his chest. “Betrayed,” he says. “Betrayed by my best friend and my boyfriend.” Closing his eyes, he gives his head a small shake.

“How will I ever move on from this?” he asks, to no one in particular.

Remus can’t help it, he snorts his laughter. Peter is smirking, trying to hide it by pretending he’s reading his book, but James makes no such attempt at discretion and laughs wholeheartedly and _loudly_.

Which is when Madam Pince comes over.

“Out.” Her voice was stern, and her face is livid. “Mr Potter and Mr Black, I will not have you disturbing the students who are actually working.”

James at least hung his head a little, but Sirius would never go down so easily.

“Me?” he exclaims, voice managing to sound full of disbelief. “Why Madam Pince I was just coming here to work on my Potions assignment. It’s due on Friday, and I _must_ complete it.”

“While I don’t doubt that you need to work on your assignment Mr Black, I do doubt your attempts. Please leave now, and come back when you can respect the library and take this seriously.” She pointedly glares first at James, and then Sirius. “You have five minutes to pack your things and go, if you’re still here when I return you’ll get weekend detention for a month,” she says, before taking her wand out and tapping it against the desk, and a set of numbers appears, briefly flashing _5:00_ before they start counting down. “This spell will alert me if you have not left the library within the time limit.” Seemingly satisfied that they would either follow her directives, or suffer the consequences, she turns and walks off through the library shelves.

Remus and Sirius looks at each other for a moment, before laughing, although this with far less volume.

“Awwww Polyjuice pumpkin, looks like I’m off.” He says, leaning down to wrap his arms around Remus’ shoulders. He gives Remus a quick squeeze, before lightly brushing his lips against Remus’s cheek. “See you later snuggle griffin.”

 

* * *

 

Remus is lying on the couch, head propped up on one arm and feet propped up on the other, when suddenly he has a lap full of Padfoot.

He definitely does not squeal.

He might, at the very most, make a small noise expressing his shock and displeasure at suddenly having Sirius treating him like a pillow. He might be able to tell himself that, but judging by the grin on Sirius’ face, Sirius knows better.Remus wants to wipe that grin from Sirius’ smug face. He wants to cuddle up in the couch with Sirius and never have to move. Sirius meanwhile, seems to want to lounge on the lounge as if Remus isn’t already lying there underneath him.

“Do you mind?” he asks pointedly. Sirius _hurts_.

“Nah,” Sirius says, shooting him a grin.

A grin he’s so weak for.

He hopes Sirius never finds out.

He slaps his arm at Sirius’ leg on his stomach. “Maybe you could move your fat ass and not crush me to death?”

“Maybe I could yeah,” Sirius drawls.

Remus rolls his eyes, and picks his book back up to try and resume his reading. Sometimes with Sirius, ignoring him is the best move. Sirius lives for attention, either good or bad, usually, when he’s denied that he’ll move on.

Or he won’t. Sirius flops down on him instead, aligning his body on top of Remus’s. Remus’s legs had been together, ankles crossed where they lay on the edge of the couch, but Sirius gets his knee between Remus’s legs, and wedges them open. He then wiggles down until he’s apparently satisfied with his position, head resting on his arms folded up on Remus’s chest.

“Comfortable?” he asks, lifting his book up to look at Sirius.

Sirius’s face is so close, all it would take is him leaning forward for them to be touching. _They could kiss noses_  Remus’ mind supplies. Remus shoves the thought aside determinedly.

“Yeah,” Sirius says, before blowing air into Remus’s face like the child that he is. “Yeah,” he repeats, before turning his head to lay it down on his arms, facing out away from the lounge.

The only reason he doesn’t push him off is because it’s not uncomfortable.

Although that’s not strictly true. Sirius is too skinny, too bony to be comfortable, and his sharp elbows press awkwardly into Remus’s chest.

And he would let him stay here, short of causing him actual pain. Would probably do the same for James or Peter if they were here.

But he’d definitely do it for Sirius.

And he is.

Remus is okay with that.

Remus resumes his reading, and he thinks Sirius snoozes; his breathing evens out, and his body is still where he’s lying on Remus’s chest. He’s never normally this still unless he’s sleeping, awake Sirius is always moving, full of too much energy to ever stay still like he is now.

That is, until the door to the common room bangs open.

Remus and Sirius both jump at the noise.

Some fifth years pour into the room, breaking the comfortable silence. They’re loud and animated in their conversation, Remus hopes they’ll continue up the stairs and leave them be, but when the group drops into the couchs opposite him he knows their precious silence is gone for good.

Remus would get up to go read in his room in silence, but he still has his Padfoot shaped problem.

So he decides to ignore them and resumes his reading.

“Gayyyy.”

Or not.

Remus looks up to see the culprits laughing on the opposite couch, and he feels Sirius tense.

“Got a problem with that MacDonald?” Sirius looks, for all intents and purposes, like he’s still relaxed, his eyes still closed on top of his arms. But Remus felt him tense, and can see the lines where his eyes are pinched closed, his eyebrows pinched just slightly, all signs indicating the anger swirling just below the surface.

“Just calling it as I see it.”

“Yeah well maybe you should keep your calls to yourself,” Sirius bites back.

“Maybe you should keep your gayness to yourself, or at least take you and your reject boyfriend out of my sight.”

Sirius is off his lap before Remus even realises what’s been said, leaping across the table and picking up the kid, hauling him to his feet, fingers in his jumper.

Sirius is up in his face, crowding MacDonald even as he holds him, not allowing MacDonald to move away.

“What did you say?” Sirius _growls_ into his face.

A few of the other kids jump up and Sirius lets go of the jumper but doesn't step back, still in MacDonald’s space.

Remus starts to walk over, thinking this might be it and ready to help in calming Sirius. The last thing he wants is Sirius in a fight. Fights lead to trouble, detention, and bruises.

He thinks that might be it until MacDonald pipes up again. “Showing your Black blood hey? That Slytherin bleeding through? “

Fuck.

Sirius shoves MacDonald back onto the couch. “Rather a Black than a bigot,” he says, venom in his voice, before turning around and storming out the common room door.

Remus doesn’t hesitate before following him out.

 

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly Remus finds him in the Astronomy tower. Sirius is hanging his legs out the window, precariously seated at the ledge, his face tipped up to look out at the dark sky. Remus can see constellations in the sky, but thankfully the moon is hidden from this window. He isn’t sure if Sirius would have done it on purpose, but if he did, Remus wouldn’t be surprised.

“You didn't have to do that you know, I can defend myself. And it’s not like we’re actually dating. We could just, you know, not lie like that. It just antagonises them.“ He knows Sirius is upset, but he needs to get the point across. The whole thing could have been avoided if they hadn’t been sitting like that, or if Sirius hadn’t been so ready to jump in and defend something that wasn’t real.

“Nah that’s stupid. We’ve always done that. If they want to think it’s because we’re dating then that’s on them.” Sirius sighs and leans his head backward to look at the roof of the astronomy tower. “And it isn’t just about you, Loopy. Or us. It's wrong. And I don't want people feeling like they have to hide themselves, or like they're less. It's no different to the werewolf rights, or the Muggle-born rights.”

Of course.

The petty side of Remus is annoyed that it isn’t all about him, but he tamps that down quickly. It’s not wrong that Sirius is looking out for people other than Remus, but sometimes, sometimes, Remus would like for it all to be about him. To have something just for himself.

Something other than the moon that is.

Remus moves to sit behind him, slipping the V of his legs behind Sirius, and Sirius leans forward to accommodate him. The position is familiar, but it’s usually Sirius who initiates affection, it’s unusual for Remus to be the one to initiate. When he’s seated behind Sirius, his front pressed tight against Sirius’s back, he wraps his arms tight around him, and rests his chin on Sirius’s shoulder.

“You’re a good person Sirius Black,” Remus whispers into his ear.

Sirius doesn't respond, though his ears do turn a shade of red.

Remus doesn’t comment on it.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up gasping.

His heart is racing and he’s filled with thoughts of _run, chase, attack, kill_ and then he’s on his feet, running, and he only just makes it to the bathroom in time to empty his stomach into the toilet bowl.

Sometimes this happens to him. When the full moon is approaching the werewolf instincts bleed through. His senses are more alert, and his senses shift, things that would usually be fine suddently repulsing him. Being around too many people can be overwhelming, and it causes him to avoid the common room, and avoid meals. The worst by far though was the nightmares. He had nightmares where he hunted animals, where he caught animals, could feel their skin ripping and bones breaking beneath his teeth.

Memories of the nightmare send him scrambling to the toilet seat once again, this time dry heaving into the bowl.

The heaving resides, but his stomach is still cramping as he rests back against the cubicle wall. Throwing up is the worst. Except it isn’t. Not even close. He’d trade throwing up over the transformation any day.

It doesn’t make throwing up any less horrible though.

He’s focusing on his breathing, trying to wipe the memories of the dream — the _nightmare_ — from his mind when the cubicle door opens suddenly.

It’s Sirius.

 _Of course_ it’s Sirius.

“Hey Moony,” he says, dropping softly to sit opposite him, back against the cubicle wall. “How you doin’?”

He doesn’t respond, instead wrapping his arms tighter around himself, digging his fingers into his arms, the pressure a reminder that he is in control. Both holding him and anchoring him to his body, this human and breakable body. Soft in a way that he never is when he’s the wolf.

The toilet cubicle is barely large enough for both of them, and Sirius’ legs are pressed up against his. It’s something he thinks should bother him, but doesn’t. Sirius has always been the exception to his rule, slipping through his barriers. Even when his wolf is screaming at him to avoid everyone, he can still be around Sirius.

It soothes him.

It terrifies him.

Sirius sighs. “That good, hey?” He knocks his head back against the cubicle wall. “Was it a nightmare? You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to. But if you wanna discuss it…”

“Not —” His voice is hoarse, and cracked. He swallows before trying again. “Not now.”

His throat hurts, painful before but even moreso after the attempted use. He needs water, wants to wash the putrid taste from his mouth, but moving feels impossible now.

“Wait here,” Sirius tells him unnecessarily, before standing, running his hands through Remus’s sweaty hair, and walks out, leaving Remus alone in the cubicle once again.

He lays his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and focusing on breathing only through his mouth to avoid the smells of the bathroom. This time he hears Sirius when he enters the room, and sits back down next to him.

Remus opens his eyes to a glass of water offered to him.

“Rinse and spit first,” Sirius tells him.

Sirius takes back the glass after he takes a mouthful, and he spits the water out into the toilet.

Sirius hands back the glass when he’s done, and this time Remus drains it slowly.

He takes the glass back from Remus once he’s finished. “You right to move back to bed now Moony?” Sirius asks, placing a hand on his knee and giving it a light squeeze.

Remus still doesn’t trust his voice so he nods instead.

“Cool, cool,” he says, standing up, before holding out a hand for Remus.

When they get back to the bedroom Sirius steers them both to his own bed, sitting Remus down before rummaging through one of his trunks. He gives a quite “yes” when he finds whatever he’s looking for, before closing his trunk and turning back to Remus, holding out his treasure to him.

The offered treasure is a biscuit tin. Sirius likes to charm the house elves into giving him extra baked goods, but he usually treasures these, hiding them away and charming the tin to keep even James out.

Sirius pushes the tin into Remus’ hands when he makes no move to take the tin. “You need something in your stomach Moony. Have at least one”

“Thank you,” Remus says, taking the tin from Sirius.

He eats two of the biscuits before handing the tin back to Sirius, who takes one for himself and buries it back in his trunk, muttering a charm under his breath as he does so.

Sirius is still chewing on his own biscuit, but he crawls into the bed, moving around Remus to take the wall side of the small bed. He pulls Remus down with him when he lays down on his side, looping an arm over Remus, and pulling him tight into his chest.

“You okay?”

“I will be.” And it’s true. He’s feeling better, feels better here than he has since he woke up from the nightmare.

“‘K,” Sirius whispers into his hair. “Night.”

Remus is relaxing, feeling comfortable and safe in Sirius’ arms, and he can feel sleep starting to overtake him. Which of course, is when Sirius tilts his head down to place a kiss against Remus’ temple, before falling back against the bed.

Remus’ poor, struggling, sleep deprived brain tries to make him pay attention, but he’s too far gone, and he slips into sleep.

 

* * *

 

Sirius is good at Potions. His mother is a Potions Master, level 2. He’s good at it, he just hates it.

Whereas Remus is better at theory based units.

So they usually pair together in potions when it’s pairs; Sirius is happy to advise and provide the knowledge, on the basis that he doesn’t have to do the potion brewing.

For his part Remus is actually starting to pick up potion theory, it’s just slow. He dislikes the smell of the ingredients. He finds he dislikes some of the ingredients even more closer to the full moon. If it’s a bad day Sirius will chop the ingredients. If it’s a terrible day Sirius will take over all of the potion brewing. Remus feels bad about it on those days, even as Sirius waves it off.

But if they’re on their own, or forced to pair with other people, Sirius has been known to blow up his potions in protest.

Consequently, Slughorn allows them to partner together almost every class.

Today is a good day for Remus, and like usual they are partnered together, therefore preventing any _accidental_ explosions. Remus is chopping and stirring, and Sirius is lying with his head pillowed on his arms on the table, watching Remus as he prepares their potion. Occasionally Sirius will offer advice or commentary about his potion making

“Stir from the wrist, Remus. It’s all in that wrist action.” Sirius’s eyes are closed now, and his face is almost _almost_ serious. But the tiny upturn at the corner of his mouth betrays his amusement.

“Slow and steady Remus, we don't want any premature coagulation.” Remus continues to ignore him, but he hears a snort from James. He looks up to glare at him, but James looks completely unphased by the glare, and shrugs with a grin.

Remus returns his attention to his potion, noting that it is thickening, but hasn’t coagulated yet, thankfully.

He turns to the next step in his potions books, according to the book, the next step is adding the Mallory Root, picking up the Mallory Root Sirius had already prepared for him. Looking around at the other people’s stations, he notes that no one else is adding theirs yet, and it looks like they have less than anyone else as well.

He knows better than to question Sirius, but he does anyway. “Sirius, I think it’s time to add the Mallory Root, are you sure this is enough?”

Sirius doesn’t look at the potion, doesn’t even open his eyes before responding with, “It’s not the size it’s how you use it.”

“Sirius.” He’s trying to be serious here, definitely not helped along by Peter and James’ laughing. “Can you please be serious for a second, and don’t ―” he interrupts when Sirius starts to speak, “make a serious/Sirius joke. Can you please just look at the potion and let me know if it's okay?”he asks, exasperated with potions, with Sirius, with his inability to _ever_ take things seriously.

“I don’t need to.” Sirius still doesn’t open his eyes. “I can hear the potion has thickened. It’s bubbling. and trust me on the Mallory Root okay?” He opens his eyes to look at Remus. “Just trust me okay?”

He groans. He does trust him. The jerk.

“Fine.” He gripes, and adds the Mallory Root. Stirring the potion viciously, trying to mix in the Mallory Root.

“Remember Moony. Gentle wrist action.”

He groans at Sirius’ joke, but is careful to make his stirs gentle.

The potion returns to the boil, and coagulates, turning lumpy in the cauldron. It looks disgusting, but thankfully the smell is bearable. The next step is to place the potion in a gourd, and rest for 72  hours, in time for next week’s Monday lesson.

He places a timing charm on the potion, so that he’ll be alerted when the potion is ready.

They’ve finished their potion before anyone else, so Remus cleans up the cauldron, and the workbench, before sitting down next to Sirius, and mimicking his position with his head on his arms.

Sirius looks like he could be asleep, has appeared as such all lesson, but it’s all an act.

“Enjoying yourself there?” he asks, head on his arms facing Sirius.

“Time of my life. I’m in the three broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta has smuggled us Firewhiskey.”

Remus huffs a laugh at him. “Yeah for you she probably would. You’re sharing though, right? I could use a drink.”

Sirius opens his eyes to give him a soft smile. “Of course I’d share with you Moony. All you have to do is ask.”

The words feel more important to Remus than they should be.  An admission of something more, perhaps. He mirrors the smile back at Sirius, and when Sirius closes his eyes again, it’s with a smile on his face.

He’s happy resting there, watching Sirius, but his mind is drifting away, when his cauldron suddenly bangs against the bench, jolting him out of his reverie and upright in a second. He whips his head around to see Severus walking to the wash up station just behind them, a smirk on his face.

“With your grades Lupin, are you sure you should be slacking off in potions?”

Before he can respond Sirius beats him to it. “Jealous that we were so far in front of you?”

“Of you using your boyfriend as slave labour? Hardly.” Severus gave them a scathing look. “Although it's very Slytherin of you to use someone else's affections to your own advantage.”

Sirius slams his hands down on the table and stands up, glaring at Severus.

The noise draws the attention of the class, and behind him Remus can see James moving closer to them, ready to back Sirius up, or hold him back depending on the situation.

“Fuck right off, Snivellus.”

“Mr Black!” Slughorn’s voice rings out authoritatively from the front of the classroom, and all attention turns to the front of the classroom. “Forty points from Gryffindor, and you can leave my classroom and return for detention later thank you.”

“Yes, Professor.”

Sirius grabs his bag, shoving his book into it and turns to leave.

Remus snags at Sirius’ sleeve when he walks past.

“Sirius ―”

“Leave it Moony.” He growls, shaking his sleeve free and before Remus could grab it back or say anything in response, he flees the classroom.

Remus’ hand is still reaching out where it once grabbed at Sirius’ clothes, and he brings it back, clasping his hands together on the bench. He feels confused, knocked sideways by the sudden change in the mood. Left reeling in the wake of the whirlwind of Sirius.

 

* * *

 

Sirius is in his usual spot in the astronomy tower.

Remus doesn't want to crowd him, instead sitting back against the wall next to his window.

And waits.

“I'm not using your affections Remus.”

“I know that. If anything I'm using you. I get some defence as the Great Sirius Black’s boyfriend. What do you get out of this?“

“Maybe I get protection as the Great Remus Lupin’s boyfriend?”

He huffs a laugh. “Not fucking likely. No partner of mine would get anything “

“Don't.” Sirius says sharply, finally looking away from the sky and straight into Remus' eyes “Remus don't say things like that. Anyone would be lucky to have you.“

 _Would you?_ He almost says the words aloud, but Remus is many things, but he is not brave in love.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t hear about the fight from Sirius, and not until well after the fact.

He wishes he could have been there for Sirius. Although he realises it’s probably for the best he wasn’t there.

The first hint something is amiss is when Sirius doesn't turn up for dinner, although it’s innocuous enough that it doesn’t raise suspicions on its own. Sirius could be caught up with any number of things, and they all know the password to get into the kitchens to get food.

When they come back up after dinner and Sirius isn’t in the common room he’s a little more worried, although James tells him to leave it be.

But when it’s almost candles out time, and still no sign of Sirius, Remus is done waiting.

“James,” he says, and James looks up from his parchment at him. He has his potions book open but Remus is sure that he’s not working on his Potions essay. He thinks he can see the word _Lily_ at the top of the page. “Sirius isn’t back yet.”

James slips his parchment under the potions book, before looking up at Remus. “Have you checked his bed? Maybe he snuck up past us?”

Remus is sure he hasn’t, but considers going up to check anyway. If only to be sure. It should help with having James take his concerns seriously at least.

He’s stopped when one of the Gryffindor boys says, “If you’re after Black he got into a bit of a fight. I heard them yelling.”

Remus is already cursing Sirius in his head, and he almost misses the next bit.

“Heard him and his brother yelling at each other by the lake.”

Shit. Regulus.

“What did you hear?” James is asking, and Remus freezes, waiting for the answer before rushing into action.

“Just the little Black saying Sirius was gonna be disowned like their aunt if he kept running around like he was.”

He is off and exiting the common room, before they could say anything more. There is only one place he needs to be.

 

* * *

 

Sirius is in his usual spot in the Astronomy Tower when he enters, but instead of his usual position, legs hanging over the outside wall, he sitting sideways on the window sill, back to the window edge, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around himself.

“Hey Pads.” He calls out, walking slowly so as not to accidentally scare him. “You alright there?”

“I’m alright here Moons.” Sirius answers, not looking away from the sky.

“Okay. You doin’ alright?” He asks, still moving slowly towards the window.

Sirius sighs. “Not right now.” He hugs his legs a little tighter. “I will be, but not right now.”

“Okay.” Remus answers. “You mind if I sit here with you?”

Siris finally looks away from the sky, and looks to Remus, and Remus can see his eyes are tinged red. “Yeah I… That’d be nice Moons.”

“Okay.” He says, sitting down and leaning his back against the wall “Okay. I’m here.”

They stay in silence for a while, and Remus loops his hand into Sirius’, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand. Sirius squeezes back.

“You wanna talk about it.” Remus asks, giving his hand another squeeze.

“Not really.”

“Okay.” Remus says, and it is. Sirius will tell him later if he wants, if he’s up to it. But Remus won’t push him, will never push him on this. “Can I ask a question though.”

“You can ask.” Sirius responds.

“Was it about, you know. Us?” It’s been on Remus’ mind, and he needs to know

“Not really. A bit.” Sirius pushes his empty hand into his face, rubbing his palm against his eyebrow, before bringing the hand down to rest at his neck, rubbing, it back and forth. “But that’s not. That’s not really it. Just one thing you know. In a sea of things.”

“Okay, yeah.”

He wants to say something. Anything to make it even a little better, a little less painful for Sirius. Remus’ parents have always struggled with him being a werewolf, and the locking inside a room with barred windows has been a particular downside for the majority of his childhood. But despite that, his parents try. They love him. They’re just supremely out of their depth when it comes to dealing with their werewolf son.

But Sirius’ childhood was unpleasant before Hogwarts, and made only worse when he was sorted into Gryffindor. He knows that Regulus and Sirius used to be close, that his younger brother had once looked up to him, but following his fateful first year sorting, things had gone sour in their relationship.

He doesn’t speak about it, but he knows it hurts Sirius.

He squeezes Sirius’s hand again, an attempt to provide comfort in a way he’s not sure he could do with his words.

But he’ll try nonetheless.

“Sirius. I know, I know it’s kind of bad now. But he still loves you. He’ll come round one day. He’ll realise.”

Sirius scoffs at him. “You don’t know my family.”

“I don’t know Regulus, or your parents. But we’re your family too. James, Peter and I would do anything for you. I think Regulus will come round. But. If he doesn’t, you’ve still got us. We won’t be going anywhere.”

“Fuck.” Sirius says, and lets out a choked sob. “I really hate you sometime you know that right?”

“No you don’t.” Remus says, without hesitation.

“No I don’t.” He agrees easily.

Sirius pulls his hand tighter and drops his head to Remus’ shoulder.

“You’re so good to me Moony. Why are you so good to me?” His voice is still broken. And it tugs as Remus’ heart.

He says the only thing he can think of.

“Oh.” He swallows, steeling himself, and says with a false casualness, “probably because I love you.”

Sirius bumps his shoulder into his, “love you too Moons.”

He didn’t get it. Remus could just let his confession slide away, unnoticed.

But.

“No.” He says firmly. “I’m in love with you Sirius.”

He looks down at his suddenly very interesting hands. There’s a number of scars on his hands. He gets most of them from his transformations, when it’s starting he’ll claw at his skin, or his surroundings, a compulsion to help him let free the wolf. He also notes that he has calluses on them from from where he usually holds his wand when he’s using the stirring spell in potions. Maybe he should try holding his wand differently on Monday.

Sirius still hasn’t said anything.

Maybe he hates him. Maybe he’s reconsidering their friendship. Remus wasn’t lying, there’s nothing Sirius could do that could turn him away from Sirius. Even if he rejects him now. Even if Sirius asks him to never speak to him again. All it would take is one word and Remus would be back, ready to do anything in his power to help Sirius.

Sirius still hasn’t said anything.

Every fiber in his body is screaming at him to laugh it off, take it back, tell him it was all a joke. Maybe beg Sirius’ forgiveness.

Maybe he could ask McGonagall for a Time-Turner, come back and fix this moment.

Except that wasn’t how Time-Turner's work.

Maybe he could obliviate Sirius and it would be like this never happened. Maybe he could Obliviate _himself_ and forget this ever happened.

Sirius still hasn’t said anything.

He’s considering leaving Hogwarts, the county, possibly even the country. Maybe he can find somewhere in Europe that is more welcoming to werewolves. He’s finally, mercifully pulled from his thoughts when Sirius finally responds. “I might, I think I might love you too Moons. Like, love you, love you. Like, be in love with you.”

“What?” Remus winces at his raised voice, and makes an effort to lower the volume “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Why didn’t you?”

_Because you mean too much to me to lose._

He’s still trying to come up with an answer when Sirius speaks up again.

“I dunno Moons. This is new. Different. I was scared.” He sighs, and throws his head backwards with a slightly painful sounding impact into the window edge. “ ‘dromeda married for love and look where that got her. I don’t know if anything good can come of it.”

Ouch.

But. He understands where that’s coming from. He’s stills not willing to give up on it that easily. And he wants to let Sirius know that.

“I dunno Pads. I think it can. I think we can.”

It must be enough for something, because Sirius swings around, pushing his legs into Remus’. it leaves his back towards the window, a little precariously in Remus’ opinion. He tightens his grip on Sirius’ hand, and pulls him tighter into his side.

Sirius is watching him, eyes flicking between them, and Remus draws on every ounce of his courage before he can continue.

“I don't… I don't think it'll be easy or anything. Like. We've got some issues, but, I think we can.” He swallows again, before continuing, “can't we at least try?”

Sirius eyes are focusing solely on Remus, and he resists the desire to look away again.

“Okay.” Sirius says eventually “Okay yeah, we can try. We should try”

Sirius leans forward then, inching slowly towards Remus. There’s more than enough time to stop the movement, or to move away, if Remus was so inclined.

It’s just about the furthest thing from his mind though, so instead leans forward into Sirius, capturing his lips with his.

Remus is all enthusiasm, and no experience, but he doesn’t think Sirius is much better. It’s still one of the best things he’s experienced. He brings his free hand up to hold onto Sirius’ hip, as their lips press together.

They break the kiss, and then Sirius is crawling over him. Remus is thankful for Sirius moving from his position in the window, and even more thankful for the added proximity. Sirius places one leg between his thighs and his other is braced against the outside of Remus’ right thigh. His legs are warm where they press against his, despite the cold air around them. Remus is focused on the feeling of their legs pressed together, on the feeling of their lips, and he’s trying to ground himself in the touches instead of the way his mind is screaming at him to freak out about the fact that Sirius is leaning in and _kissing him again_ . The wall behind him is another tether and he’s thankful for that, a brief picture flashing through his mind of his body failing and him falling backwards against the floor, probably braining himself in the process, possibly requiring a trip to the hospital wing, and certainly very _not sexy._

His mind and heart are racing in tandem when Sirius flicks his tongue against his lips, and almost without his permission they fall apart and Sirius’ tongue is in his mouth.

Sirius pulls back, and they separate, gasping slightly for air. Sirius leans in once more, and Remus expects Sirius to kiss him deeply again, but Sirius breaks the kiss off quickly, instead peppering small kisses against his forehead, before resting his forehead against Remus’s. Their cheeks are pressed together, and Remus can feel rather than see the smile on Sirius’ lips.

He feels a little giddy. He wants to do that again. He wants to do that again a lot.

“We can do more of that right?” He asks.

Sirius doesn’t answer, but he does kiss him again. So Remus considers that a win.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me life.  
> You can also find me at tumblr at Candybarrnerd


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